more kosmic jokes .. received email from nomali that the recording of the call i was on with ken got lost thru technical difficulties ..

somewhere in there is a whew! i probably sound like an idiot in it anyway!

altho tim was great so i hope his part is found

big mind big heart isn't so silent after all, but rather is giggling all the time .. created the kosmos as a tickle

* * *

but enough of all THAT .. am off to rescue my sweet soulmate, the only person who has been connected to me since i was born .. my dear sister .. she is in dire need of help altho she won't ask for it and has never asked for it and au contraire has always been the person to save my sanity 

no jumping .. how can u do your regular practice when part of it involves freely bouncing around ??

took a lightening trip to vienna eating chocolate cake in the bag the newspapers said she's gone to his head they look just like two gurus in drag

an opportunity for CONTROL .. keep in down .. move s-l-o-w .. smooth .. STRONG ..

to THIS song !

having to consciously change the way you've always done it with a song becomes a bright new adventure

being housebound i may just drive them all nuts !!

confessions of a groupie: i love u i love the way u write i love the way u talk i love the way u think i love the way u laugh i love u and love u and love u marry me and u will be loved the way u deserve

says the groupie and thousands of others

been reading .. in shifts bcuz of the eye .. robert augustus masters' recent writings on idiot compassion and forgivess

and holy fuck !!

incarnation's fleshdance in sacred transparency

and so in this struggle to forgive a certain someone who to this very day continues her offending behavior .. two things robert said keep returning to mind:

the haste to forgive robs the space of the necessary unfolding which precedes forgiveness

and

incarnation's fleshdance in sacred transparency

and in the morning sitting .. freedom is given to (instead of leapfrogging once again to a forced forgiveness) .. space now granted to express the rage and pain ..

and there appears a thick roll of white paper tape inside the being .. like a cashregister tape .. and all the angry thoughts begin to print on the paper

ching ching ka-ching

as the tape begins to unroll out of the being .. words of hurt and of fury .. words of hatred and contempt .. words of insult and injury ..

ching ching ka-ching

the tape rolling out of her being .. knowing that once the tape runs out ..

catching glimpses of the end of the roll .. greater awareness of incarnation's fleshdance

and so it is allowed thru out the day .. for how many days it may take .. clearing out the crap inside .. going thru it as a way out of it

and then there's the FEAR thing .. the trembling vibrating FEAR before the surgical invasion round the eye

a great blessing for the upcoming work with the dying .. for some of them, the FEAR magna-magna-magnified from what we're being told

they have heard this disease will take your life

and the thought of death is new to them which creates great fear

so unfortunate that because talking about dying is taboo or morbid, they didn't have time to be familiar with the fact

guess what? one day you'll be dead .. or shall i say, one day u will shed that coat .. how's that workin' for ya ??

wow talk about altered states of consciousness .. today listened to krishna das' govinda hare .. which was recommended by tamgoddess on her 'music you love' thread

the simple act of listening to his voice and the celestial beings that accompany him .. removes all the veils and exposes the heart of light tingling in serene joy

thx tam !!

tales from the bardo:

last nite dreamt that i died .. and there was no change .. i was still me .. there was no difference .. only that i knew the body was gone

of course bcuz was in subtle dream .. everything was exactly as last time i was there

reminds me of something i heard robert augustus masters tell ken .. talking about a hell he went thru .. that he had wanted to kill himself .. but knew that wouldn't make any difference

it's time to wake up when you are dreaming of kittens walking along the sidewalk on their hind legs .. in groups and wearing victorian gowns

getting tired of all the resting . . .

tues the doctor tells me when i can go back to work, i hope it's right away

and oh dear me .. what is going on at the i-n forum?? one of the key figures who sounds like he's off in a huff .. says over his shoulder that he loves ken's work .. i hope he remembers what ken says .. that when u identify with the self-object .. welcome to hell

x x x o o o

the surgeon won't let me go back to work for two more weeks .. but the good news .. he said i could dance !! .. i love u doctor

flutter flutter wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee . . .

candies

u know those black licorice goodies ? the kind u get at the movies .. like little candy pills .. in different colors

well they were one of my choices of poison

always had a stash for those times of eating them late nite alone while watching tv .. til one day my teeth yelled NO!!

and somehow the goodies transformed into frozen blueberries ..

oh gawd i mention arthur's hissy fit in the 7th circle and blame it on shadow

then click on ken vid: casting shadow

only to hear that if u call it shadow, then .. naaaaaaaah THAT ain't it .. u don't know your shadow it's your denial

suddenly realizing

the 7th circle post was just plain bitch

oh look at how fairy's little small self had a tantrum in response to arthur & liz abandoning the forum

an old school friend recently got in touch with me .. and in an email said: the scriptures say our lord jesus christ doesn't share the platform with anyone

what are your views on that ? she asked

i replied that jesus would be very upset if he heard that because he said we are all children of god

later listening to a brother david audio .. they were talking about evolutionary panentheism .. progressive manifestation of divinity .. and ken and brother david frustrated over how long it's taking many christians to get unstuck

it's all about horizons, isn't it ? how far can one's visions expand ?