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my i l p

Last post 6 hours, 49 minutes ago by fairyfaye. 444 replies.
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  •  11-17-2006, 7:51 PM 15153 in reply to 13582

    Re: my i l p

    not that there's anything wrong with that ! of course everyone has a right to be where they are

    thankfully ! cuz gawd i've got so many undeveloped lines it's embarassing


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  •  11-18-2006, 2:14 PM 15190 in reply to 15153

    Re: my i l p

    we stand around a table .. with a lighted candle on it .. and a bowl of water with stones inside .. each with a word written on it

    taking turns each of us pick a stone .. then hold it allowing it to symbolize this journey we have just completed .. then exchange stones with someone .. taking theirs .. giving ours

    and later the super cool board member old guy in suit and walker calls out our names one by one .. as we go up and take our certificate .. shake his hand .. and betty pins us with: hospice volunteer

    and the funny thing is that no one is even dying at all because no one was ever born


  •  11-20-2006, 3:45 PM 15298 in reply to 5083

    Re: my i l p

    thru out this life, have done three things that am so ashamed of  .. the first one when i was 18 .. looking back, it was superficial .. but still a regret

    the second at 21 and barely anyone i hang with knows about this .. it was canned spinach and i was a lost soul

    and the third at midlife crisis, well 39 ..

    during today's moving meditation it comes .. that posting those shameful events here might be cure-ative

    and oh gawd if i think u don't like me already .. i'll lose u for sure if i tear open my insides and post them here now

    but as sycronicity is prone to do .. received visionflash email saying to face your fears so here goes . . .


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  •  11-20-2006, 3:55 PM 15299 in reply to 15153

    Re: my i l p

    at 18, had the bump on my nose filled down .. hadn't yet grokked that the inner light is not impeded by the shape of one's nose

    now that't the superficial one .. thinking of the other two make me cringe so bad i sink into the ground


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  •  11-20-2006, 6:34 PM 15303 in reply to 15299

    Re: my i l p

    Sweet fairyfaye,


    We don't need to know.


    We can handle it.

    Don't worry about us!


    Just enough enlightenment for this time around, please.
  •  11-22-2006, 12:06 PM 15379 in reply to 15303

    Re: my i l p

    thx darling markdavenport

    MAN this is a HUGE exercise for me in dropping ego .. well here goes . . .

    turned into a zombie at 21 .. a veil dropped over my world .. couldn't see anything .. all i could hear was captain fantastic and the brown dirt cowboy

    quit the mundane job at the downtown head office of a national insurance company (where i had been using an ibm selectric typewriter and canon adding machine) .. dropped by my sister's workplace a few streets over where she was a shining receptionist all bubbly and loving .. just totally lighting up the place

    told her: 'scuse me while i kiss the sky

    and boarded a 747 for london england .. the only thing i recall about that flight is that 'front page' a jack lemmon movie played on a big screen at the front of the plane

    later in taxi cab driving thru the streets of london .. the driver comments that i am not like the other visitors from overseas who awe out the window with lots of questions about the sites

    he asked me where i was going and i said i don't know



  •  11-22-2006, 1:24 PM 15384 in reply to 15153

    Re: my i l p

    where do u go when u are running away from yourself ??


  •  11-24-2006, 12:43 AM 15433 in reply to 15153

    Re: my i l p

    the driver dropped her off at a women's hostel .. where she checked in and just sat on the bed in a daze .. as her friendly excited stylish roommate chattered away

    later she visited the british museum but couldn't tell you one thing she saw there .. ditto trafalgar square

    but she was there to fall into the arms of captain fantastic

    looking in the phone book, she found the address for a reginald dwight .. and rode a taxi there .. it was some kind of townhouse development .. she knocked and rang but no one answered

    she doesn't know how she got back to the hostel .. or where the phone was which she used to phone her mother in winnipeg .. nor does she remember anything about the flight home

    the only thing she remembers is what a brainless thing it was .. how embarassing the thought of it is

    but that's NOTHING compared to the third thing .. which involved her three beautiful children




  •  11-24-2006, 1:51 AM 15436 in reply to 15153

    Re: my i l p

    Dear fairyfaye,

    I relate to the numbness, the lack of memory, the vague sense of pointlessness.  Just don't say anything you could be arrested for!  You're very courageous.


    Just enough enlightenment for this time around, please.
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  •  11-24-2006, 1:47 PM 15449 in reply to 15436

    Re: my i l p

    later thru some miracle, meet tom .. so funny so nice so sexy great mind .. and we have three sunbeams

    after 7yrs home with them, go back to work and everything changes

    we now laugh at how tom had laughed disbelievingly when in a neighborhood bar, dan singh (dancing ha ha) had said: if u let her go back to work, she'll leave u


  •  11-24-2006, 7:02 PM 15456 in reply to 15449

    Re: my i l p

    a guy at the office .. there was an instant recognition between us .. we could see inside each other .. drawn together so intensely, we let it take us away

    and there at the bottom of the ladder, at mere self-care i moved out of tom's house

    our kids were 8,7,4

    moved to an apartment and saw them every weekend and wednesday .. but had left tom's house and not taken them with me

    and 7 years later, they moved in with me, and tom with his ever-humor said tag team

    and now ... drumroll . . . i've dropped these three self-humiliations and won't be carrying them anymore

    who am i ? remember ? incarnation's fleshdance !




  •  11-24-2006, 7:41 PM 15458 in reply to 15436

    Re: my i l p

    meanwhile back at the ranch ...

    a certain dialogue continues as i recently received an email which included fourteen bible quotes as proof that jesus does not share the platform with anyone

    i thanked her for sharing those quotes which mean so much to her and returned the favor by sharing a quote that i resonate with:

    "Knowledge itself is now global. For the first time, the sum total of all knowledge is available to us -- the knowledge, experience, wisdom and reflection of all major human civilizations -- open to study by anyone.

    What if we took literally everything that all the various cultures have to tell us about human potential -- spiritual growth, psychological growth, social growth -- and put it all on the table?" -- Ken Wilber


  •  11-24-2006, 9:55 PM 15461 in reply to 15458

    Re: my i l p

    "mrs dalloway said she'd buy the flowers herself"

    tonite hosting a birthday party for two dear people .. one 18 (son's girlfriend) and one 57 (father of my kids .. we need a word for that!)and there's pizza and cake and gifts and balloons and love

    and may everything out of my mouth be from my highest self


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  •  11-28-2006, 11:41 AM 15640 in reply to 15303

    Re: my i l p

    how delightful .. am in dialogue with healthy mythic

    the reply to my kenquote has been received: yes the prophets tell us that knowledge will be greatly increased at the end of times

    and she asked what is your faith and have you completely read the bible?

    i admitted to not reading the whole bible and asked whether she had read saint teresa of avila's the interior castle and ken's a brief history of everything, two of my favorite books

    and told her of father thomas' and brother david's involvement with inter-religious dialogue and of gratefulness dot org and how sacred thankfulness is part of my practice

    and my answer to what is your faith was that if i'd have to pigeonhole it, i'd say integral (integrated) because god does not pick and choose certain religions or peoples because it is the intention in the heart that matters


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  •  11-30-2006, 4:14 PM 15719 in reply to 15436

    Re: my i l p


    randomly opened brief history .. p 171 .. a spirit that announces itself only through the voice of those who have the courage to stand in the worldcentric space and defend it against all lesser and shallower engagements


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